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Community Connection
By Pat Ravasio

To cell or not to cell,
And other kid questions.

My recent rantings about our overindulged Marin children was so well received I was tempted to keep at it, but then it occurred to me that they do have at least a few positive qualities that deserve mention.

First of all, it’s hard to blame the kids for the air they breathe.  When my oldest daughter left the relatively egalitarian world of St. Patrick’s to attend Redwood High School, she was exposed to kids who took limos to go shopping, who lived in 10,000 square foot homes with infinity pools and gated private drives.  Who can blame her for buying used Channel handbags and Dior sunglasses on E-Bay?   In addition, I confess that she spent a good deal of her childhood hearing wistful me wish for more of everything.  We moved to Marin when she was just two.  How could I expect her to not be like me? 

But she went away last summer to a youth work camp on the East Coast, and was exposed to 400 hundred or so teens from all over America.  She was amazed at the narrow mindedness and judgmental personalities she encountered.  Many of her new acquaintances were fervent Christian fundamentalists who had zero tolerance of anyone unlike themselves.  She also heard some very sad stories of broken families, domestic violence, extreme substance abuse, parents in jail, and on and on.  For years I had been telling her that she should count her blessings.  Now she actually does. She really does know how lucky she is to have been raised in a relatively open-minded, enlightened and progressive environment.  Which unfortunately does nothing to stop the inevitable craving for a Channel handbag.

The younger ones, not yet exposed to the real world, are also showing signs that evolution is a real thing.  While they love roaming around in mixed-gender herds, they seem more sensible and comfortable with themselves than we did as children. The girls in particular seem to feel true equality with the boys.  Most of them are not intimidated into the traditional role of being pleasers, but instead assert themselves confidently, even overpoweringly.   This has led to a phenomenon that dismays the parents of many young boys:  so many phone calls from girls in the evenings and on weekends, that nothing else seems to get done. 

But parents of girls should know there is a real and present danger.  While the confident, assertive girls can protect themselves from unwanted attention even if dressed provocatively, other “wannabes” who emulate the dress and manners of the powerful girls end up as sitting ducks for certain types of boys.  And what about sweet boys who suffer at the hands of over-aggressive girls?  Having been a somewhat nerdy, freckled, bi-speckled, metal-mouthed adolescent wannabe with an absentee father and an older sister who passed down her unwanted boyfriends, I know the dangers all to well of children who crave affection too strongly.

Our girls, at least most of them, are smarter, more confident and less likely to find themselves in real trouble than we were.  They hate the idea of cigarettes, drugs and alcohol abuse, and they get downright angry when you imply that they may be doing something to endanger themselves or others.  Time will tell if they are right, or just good actresses.

Instant Messaging is the ultimate safe… uh, social scene.

It’s hard to know what’s really going on when you see a kid sitting at a computer. One way to find out is to approach quickly and watch how many windows snap shut.  Then, later on, you can go to your internet server’s home page and check “history” to see exactly what they’ve been doing and reading.  Unless they know how to disable the log function, you can also read up on their recent instant messages. Is this an invasion of privacy?  Certain tweeners in my house say so.  What do you think? 

To cell or not to cell, that is the question.

When we bought our first cell phone for an offspring, it was after a year of haranguing for a 13th birthday present. It won us enthusiastic thanks and genuine appreciation.  Within a week, I knew we had pulled off a miracle.  The “gift” we had bestowed was actually a very effective leash.  By requiring immediate and ever prior notification of any change in location, we had ensured that we generally knew the whereabouts of our child (although a GPS locator on them would be a good safety check!)  As trendy and expensive as cell phones seem, they are a lifesaver for our family’s frenetic, over scheduled existence.  One more benefit I read about, is that cell phones fulfill that innate teenage need for something oral, something to appear cool with while standing around doing nothing.  Ever thought about how a cell phone fills the same need as a cigarette?  (Let’s just hope it doesn’t turn out that they both cause cancer.)

Okay, now it’s your turn.

Write and let me how you perceive today’s kids. Are they any different – any better or worse – than you were at their age?  If so, how?  Also let me know of any great ideas you have for instilling the right kind of values in today’s children.  We could all use a little help with that.  I’ll report back to you with the results. Be sure to let me know if it’s okay to used your name…otherwise I’ll be my normal good reporter self and protect my sources….all the way to the Supreme Court. 

Parentally yours,

Neighbor Pat
pravasio@fhallen.com

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